Be My Friend
by alyssaru
Summary: I sat on the edge of the ledge, flaming red curls framing my face as I looked down onto the world. Nothing really mattered to me at this point anyway, sure I had friends and a decent life, but no one ever realized how much I was actually hurting inside. I'm 240 pounds with small hands, big feet, and uncharacteristically humongous curls. xClacex completely human
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction so I hope you like it **

**DISCLAMER: I do not own the Mortal Instruments or any of the characters, only the plot.**

Chapter 1

**Clary POV.**

I sat on the edge of the ledge, flaming red curls framing my face as I looked down onto the world.

The entire fire and police departments were below, yelling at me with 'calming' words flowing out of their mouths. They were just whispers to me. They were probably thinking,_ 'I mean really, how many depressed low life's do we actually have to save each day, can't they just keep themselves off of buildings and away from knifes? '. _Well, soon enough they would have to worry about one less depressed girl.

Nothing really mattered to me at this point anyway, sure I had friends and a decent life, but no one ever realized how much I was actually hurting inside. I'm 240 pounds with small hands, big feet, and uncharacteristically humongous curls. I've tried to get rid of the fat, but nothing has worked. But, of course I haven't tried making myself throw up, and never will.

My sister was one of the main problems with my self-image issues, she was basically perfect. Don't get me wrong, I love her like any sister would, but she just never really had the time for me. She had dirty blonde hair, bright green-blue eyes, tall and thin all in one and perfect complexion. She was about four years older than me and a dozen more friends than I have had in my entire life. On top of that she is involved in the community, won homecoming queen in high school, won 'most likely to succeed in life' and 'most liked'. That's not even all, but I won't spend my last living moments thinking about my oh-so-perfect sister.

As I prepared to lodge myself off of the ledge, someone's melodic voice made my head turn their way as it struck itself into my mind **(**_**Somewhere**_** from West Side Story) **;

_There's a place for us, _

_Somewhere a place for us. _

_Peace and quiet and open air _

_Wait for us _

_Somewhere. _

_There's a time for us, _

_Someday a time for us, _

_Time together with time spare, _

_Time to learn, time to care, _

_Some day! _

_Somewhere. _

_We'll find a new way of living, _

_We'll find a way of forgiving _

_Somewhere . . . _

_There's a place for us, _

_A time and place for us. _

_Hold my hand and we're halfway there. _

_Hold my hand and I'll take you there _

_Somehow, _

_Someday, _

_Somewhere!_

Throughout the song he slowly made his way towards me until he was right in front of my face. Golden hair flew around his face like an angel as he told me," you don't have to do this; I can help you, make everything right".

I was as awestruck as I sat there with wide eyes popping out from my face, that I couldn't move a muscle.

"I could be your friend, we could help each other, and you see I'm not even sane! Hell, no one's sane in this world", the golden boy stated with a smirk. "Anyways, would you like to be my friend?" all I could do was nod as he looked at me with eyes of golden liquid.

"Great because I would _love _to get off the ledge before we both die", he stated with outstretched arms and that smirk never leaving his face.

Once again all I could do was nod as I crawled into his arms, hoping he was strong enough to carry me. I needn't ask for him to do anything before he picked me up bridle style, I could feel his muscles contract with the weight, but he said nothing. He carried me back in the building, down the stairs, and out the door to where all the people were waiting like vultures.

All the while I had my head buried in his shirt that smelled so much like honey and sweetness.

**Soooo… how'd I do? I REALLY want to know so please comment, comment, comment!**

**Updated- 4\27\2014**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hey guys! I'm so glad I got some reviews, I was not really sure of my writing and how well of quality it was. Anyway, thank you so much to Your New BFF, who generously commented constructive criticism that I will definitely take into consideration, and will definitely take up that offer to be your new best friend. Also, to LOVERGIRL thank you for the encouragement. Thank you so much to itsHerondale for the interest in my story! And finally DivergentInstruments, I loved how you expressed my story as 'different' and I'm glad it is. Thank you everyone for these amazing reviews!**

**By the way, I really just wanted to tell you that I'm kind of venting through my story because how I described Clary, besides the hair and eye color, is how my life is right now. But, I definitely do NOT have an amazing guy like Jace in my life, if only. Anyway, I'm going to try to make this story as realistic as I possibly can because it's what is happening to me.**

**I also want to tell you now that she WON'T be trying to throw up her food or go anorexic. **

**DISCLAMER; I don't own TMI, only the plot, because I wouldn't be in this situation if I did…**

**ENJOY! **

Chapter 2

**Clary POV.**

I was soon pulled away from the honey and sweetness, and into the arms of brisk paramedics. The swift hands, which worked like a machine, did nothing to calm my nerves.

By the time they sat me onto the cot in the ambulance I was shaking with anxiety and buckets of cold sweat on just my brow. The golden boy had been pulled away from me and swallowed by the overbearing crowd.

I sat on the cot just as I had minutes ago on a ledge, except now my legs were tucked to my chest and face buried there so deep I could see nothing but the denim of my jeans. The anxiety had gotten the best of me and I had started to shake uncontrollably like a Chihuahua. Nothing could help the nerves now, but I prayed and hoped for the golden angel to come back and whisk me to a place other than here.

The air was once again filled with whispers of the worried, all but buzzing bees to me.

I ignored it all.

Instead, I opted replay the beautiful song the angel had sung to me in my head, all the while humming it too.

The paramedics had looked at me as if I were not only suicidal and overweight, but also crazy.

I ignored that too, and closed my eyes.

Ignoring it almost helped me forget what was going on _outside_ of my head. Almost. Not completely, but almost.

'The angel, the angel will come save me, just like on the roof. He will swoop down with his golden halo and wings and save me', I thought dreamily. **(A/N – so basically she's getting a bit delirious right now, not really thinking straight or in the right state of mind)**

The angel had been so nice to me, saying things in a way no one had ever said to me. No one had even been able to carry me either. Nor would I let them in spite of being embarrassed and them not able to handle my weight.

Though, the angel had made forget all the bad things, even if only for a short time, he had made me forget.

By now I was literally _craving _his touch, words, and smell. Everything he did comforted me in a way I had never had before. Even his voice was smooth like honey and dripping with sweetness.

'Where had he gone?' I thought, almost with a whine to the thought itself. Tears started pouring down my face at a rapid pace at the thought that I would never see him again.

Arms wrapped themselves around me and I was having a tantrum like a toddler, arms flailing and all.

It was my mom; I could smell her perfume and the softness of her touch gave it all away. But, even though I knew this to be a fact I flailed none the less. More tears streamed down my face as an effect. "Stop it", I repeated in a whisper over and over again, saying it quickly to get the point across.

The arms retracted themselves slowly, and I could tell she was hurt by the failure on the attempt to comfort me.

But I didn't want the comfort if it wasn't from the angel.

And I most definitely didn't want to be surrounded by this maybe people. With this thought in my mind I jumped up, opening my eyes in the process and tried to run away from the wandering eyes.

I tried to run, oh I tried, but it's not that easy to run away with hundreds of people surrounding you. A paramedic immediately gripped onto my arm, trying not to hurt me in the process, and pulled me back. I threw my arms out with all the strength I had, possibly leaving bruises, but all he did was grunt with each hit.

I cried out once… twice… three times but they fell on deaf ears. The medic didn't care much that I didn't comply with what he wanted; he just followed by his superiors orders.

He brought me back to the dreadful cot once again and I scooted as far back as I could, curled into as tight a ball as I could, and closed my eyes once again.

I hoped with all my heart he would be there, so I opened my eyes, but there were paramedics peering down at me, and I closed them once again.


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm so glad I got some awesome reviews for the last chapter! Also, I wanted to explain that when Clary got all delirious, it was almost like separation anxiety. She was so overwhelmed by her wanting for that one person that she was basically having a fit. And the being hysterical part, well she just really wanted him and he wasn't there as he was moments ago. Remember, I'm doing this from personal experience, and that was basically how I acted. Now, it may seem that she overreacted to the situation in some of your eyes, but it's really just based on personal experience as I explained before. If anyone has ANY suggestions, you can comment or PM- I think that's what it's called? - me. Anyway, yah I really wanted to explain that to you guys. **

**Also I appreciate it so much that you guys. I really think that the person, Biffy or Your New Best Friend, should make an account so I can follow you and possibly have actual conversations with you!**

**Anyway…..**

**DISCLAIMER:** **; I don't own TMI, only the plot, because I wouldn't be in this situation if I did…**

Chapter 3

I awake with a start, not even realizing I had dozed off, and almost expecting paramedics to be looking at me from above. But, to my surprise, I'm in my own bed. Realizing this, I burrow further into my black and white striped cotton covers and squeeze my eyes closed tighter than they were before. The sheets smell like home to me, and it comforts me further.

I take a deep breath, breathing in the smell once again, and let it out before I roll over and take a full 360 of my room. Sunlight beamed through the blind covered window and shone brightly into my eyes. Looking away I suddenly notice Luke, my mother's long-time boyfriend, sitting in the chair on the other side of my room. He has his head back, resting on the top of the chair, and drool spilling over his mouth, making wet spots on the piece of decor. His light snores echoed off the silent walls, them being the only source of sound.

Luke appeared to be much disheveled, with dirty blonde hair askew and the buttons on his red and black flannel were in all of the wrong places. Under his eyes there were considerately dark circles. Altogether, he was a complete mess.

Putting my head back down onto the pillow, I think. My thoughts wonder and I ponder **(A/N: poet and don't even know it…),**' if I wasn't here, would this really be happening' and I immediately throw the thought out of my head. The angel had saved me, why put all his effort to waste?

I didn't want the angel to be disappointed with me, so I would keep on living for him.

For him, the angel.

The angel.

…Angel?

Where is he? Why did he leave me? Why?

The questions race through my head at a million miles per second, and I don't even have time to process one before another comes through.

I don't even realize that I'm in hysterics once again, until I feel the warm tears rush down my face as fast as my thoughts. And once again, I'm sobbing.

I hear Luke rustle from his sleep, only to awaken to my sobs and thrashing. The thrashing soon results in my body getting trapped in a cocoon of covers.

No longer able to move, I stop and scrunch up my face as I sob uncontrollably.

A warm hand finds its way to my face, gently cradling it. The touch is so similar to the angels and I lean into the touch, having been deprived of it since what seems like an eternity, and I forget where I am for a moment. I calm down almost immediately and soon only few tears stray from my eyes.

I open my eyes, thinking that the golden boy would be there with that big smirk on his face, and am surprised to find it's just Luke.

The tears stream down my face once again and he tries to calm me once more with serene words of wisdom, but to no avail.

I start to hyperventilate, and I hear Luke call to my mother. My vision goes through a tunnel that just keeps getting smaller, and breathing gets harder and harder to do. I feel someone pick me up, undeniably Luke, and carry me to the car. But, by that time, I'd passed out.

**So I ask again…. How'd I do? **

**Anyway, give me some pointers and ideas! Although, I already know what's going to happen next chapter… MWAHAHAHAHHAAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHHAHAAH**

**Love ya guys**

**Updated: 5/16/14**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi guys! I'm so sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've just been really busy with end of school stuff, because this is my last week of school till' summer. **

**By the way, thanks so much for all of the reviews! Especially the guests – a friend and The Biffster. I wish you guys would get accounts so much, but I know it takes a while to actually make accounts. **

**Ok so I am dedicating this chapter to the previously mentioned accounts, especially a friend. Your entire paragraph almost made me cry, really. It boosted me up and just made my day. I loved it so much. Thank you for the kind things you said, and you don't even know me! It really made me happy, so here you go, this one is for you guys.**

**DISCLAIMER: Cassandra Clare owns everything… except the plot, that's my own life**

Chapter 4

I could feel myself being jostled around, but could do nothing to stop it. A needle pierced my skin, entering the unidentified liquids into my bloodstream, and I cringed inwardly at the feeling.

Ever since I was little I had an unusual fear of needles, most likely from all my injuries. I had always been too clumsy for my own good.

The heart monitor, constantly beeping, was annoying as ever. I urged myself furthermore to open my eyes, squeeze the hand holding mine- anything at this point.

I put all my strength into trying to do _something_, but was met with useless results.

And at that moment, I gave up trying, succumbing to the beep of the monitor.

It was dark when I woke up, and I reveled in the feeling that I could actually open my eyes this time.

Looking to my side, I realized the person who once was there, was now not.

The feeling of abandonment only lasted but a second; I had known unconsciously that it had been my mother, and did not fret. I knew only because her hands were soft, but calloused only on her pointer finger and thumb from holding her paintbrush a 'certain way'.

The other side was equipped with the heart monitor and the bag and tube supplying me with liquids.

I quickly pulled out the needle from the place where it had pierced my skin, and set it down on the bedside table.

Then, I turned off the heart monitor before taking the clip off my finger which was monitoring my heart rate. **(Remember, she's had a lot of injuries)**

Noticing that my clothes were folded neatly on the chair at my bedside table, I grab them and quickly change from the hospital gown to my clothes.

On my way out I bump into Luke, and ultimately am met with wide eyes. I am quickly scuffled back into the room, being wrapped into a giant bear hug in the process.

"We've missed you so much! You've been out for a week now! I can't believe I wasn't there when you woke up, I'm so sorry!" I then notice the full cup of coffee with a Starbucks logo on it, and know this is probably the first time he's been out to get actual coffee.

"Its fine Luke, really it is, I'm fine now. Can we just get out of here now? You know how much I hate hospitals."

"Clary…" a look of sympathy goes into his warm eyes, and I get a bad feeling in my gut.

"What" I say, almost as a statement.

"You have to stay here for just one day more, okay? They want to make sure you are healthy… before they send you to an institute" and at that moment I understood the look in Luke's eyes.

I have no words at this juncture, no thoughts either.

Luke sits me down in one the uncomfortable hospital chairs and lets me process the information.

For a moment I sit there like a fish, opening and closing my mouth, deciding what the right thing to say would be.

I come up blank.

Luke realizes this and rushes into words, half of what I can't understand.

"We didn't want to, we _really_ didn't. But, we just want what's right for you; we don't want you getting hurt any more than you _already_ have. _I _don't want you to get hurt any more than you have. Plus, you'll be happier at the institute, for the time being at least. And you'll make friends! Really you will, because you guys can all relate, you know? We've made all the arrangements; we hope you will like it as much as we do. It's a beautiful building, and the top one in the state. We think you will love the architecture of it, and it has acres of land. Acres! Please understand, we love you so much, and we can't lose you. I can't lose you… your my little girl Clare-bear."

I'm sure Luke had so much more to say, but he had gotten too choked up to speak anymore. The tears that had welled up in his eyes during his rant had leaked over, now they had spilled over and raced down his cheeks and stubble.

His words struck right in the place I'm guessing he wanted them too, my heart.

I reached my hand up and softly placed it onto his cheek, wiping off tears in the process, and looked into his hazel eyes that held do much love for me.

Tears had started to stream down my face as well, and I had no words to say.

So I nodded my head in glum agreement.

**I'm so sorry that I haven't updated in so long once again, I did part of this chapter like a week ago and the other part today. Anyways, please, please, please comment what you think. I really need some suggestions on what to do next chapter and how Clary should meet up with Jace. I have a few ideas but nothing definite yet. **

**I will try to update really soon, and remember, if you guys give me more comments and suggestions, I'll post it sooner. **

**Thank you guys so much for all of the encouragement!**

**Updated: 6/9/2014**


	5. Chapter 5

**HELLO ONCE AGAIN….**

**So, so, so sorry for not updating for sooooooooo long, my deepest condolences. **

**But… here is a new chapter!**

**I know, I know, so freaking exciting! I'm glad. **

**Anyways, I am currently trying to figure out which way I want to go with this story. I mean, I am considering putting it on hiatus for a little bit, basically to appease my Supernatural lust. **

**Lately I have been all in the Supernatural fandom, and I am coming up with a lot of story ideas for that fandom, so I am thinking of making more stories, perhaps even one-shots, for the Supernatural fandom. Maybe even for the Mortal Instruments fandom as well****. **

**By the way, no offense to anyone by any means!**

**So here ya go, hope you like it!**

**Chapter 5**

Wayland Institute.

A snobby excuse for a name, in my opinion. Yet the view eyes harvested upon was anything but.

You drive in through a canopy of once-green oaks, shaping the passageway. Now but only the structures of what they used to be. 'Wayland Institute' is imprinted in giant, gold, rod iron at the end of the passageway, framing a colossal gate of the same stature.

That was only the beginning.

The gates open up (and for a second I almost believe I'm somewhere else) to a humongous span of green land off to both side. I'm almost surprised that it's green, but then I realize there are also very, very brown patches of grass as well.

The cobblestone street takes us around a still water fountain, not in use this time of year because it would freeze over. It _is _the middle of winter in New York.

The institute, which is more of a mansion, is a stark white with emerald green ropes of vine climbing their way up to the top, framing every window and balcony. The massive building pans out wide and high altogether.

Definitely snobby, but it was a beautiful snobby.

**==============================Mortal Instruments===============================**

As soon as we come to a halt, a man and woman came out. Both dressed quite casual in winter wear. The woman had bright blue eyes, with sleek black hair framing her beautiful face, she was wearing all black, other than a white undershirt peaking up from her midnight colored wool jacket, and jet black high heeled boots on her feet. The man was completely opposite, paired with layers of black undershirts with a blinding white over coat. He had grey hair and grey eyes, of which held, it seemed, so many years of wisdom.

The woman held her hand out to my mother, who took it gladly with a small smile gracing her lips.

Saying as she shook Luke's hand," Hello, you must be Jocelyn, Luke", she paused at this moment and looked at me, holding her hand out to me as well," and Clarissa Fray". Nodding silently, I pulled my hand away from her grip, momentarily pulling my jacket sleeve over my pudgy hands in the process and crossing them in front of my stomach in discomfort.

"I am Maryse Lightwood, the Head Director at this institute, and this is Dr. Hodge Starkweather, our leading psychologist here at Wayland Institute. It's a pleasure to meet you all, unfortunately Mr. Wayland himself was unable to attend to be able to welcome Clarissa, and he sends his deepest condolences." Maryse ends with an apologetic smile and nod of her head towards us, I especially. As Maryse introduced herself and Dr. Hodge, the latter shook our hands as well, a stiff gesture that I'm sure I would become accustomed to.

"Shall we make our way inside- it is quite chilly out here." She offers with a small gesture in reference to the institute, "If we may, I was thinking we could possibly give you a tour of the institute, and then later bring in Clarissa's belongings to get ah… accommodated in her space".

"Of course", my mother starts with a sweeping smile," we would love to see it! It is just _beautiful_ from the outside; I can't even imagine what it's like on the interior. I'm guessing much nicer than my 1,000 square foot apartment." The elder of the two red head joked, following Maryse and Dr. Hodge as they started inside the mansion of crazies.

**==============================Mortal Instruments===============================**

As soon as we had entered the institute, Dr. Hodge had excused himself, upon request that he be able to get back to his daily routine, not wanting to " disrupt the other patients schedule", as he put it. Maryse had simply excused him with a nod of her head and a flit of her hand as he scurried in the other direction.

The tour progressed quite slowly, especially as the 'grown ups' walked ahead, expecting me to follow behind like a lost puppy.

Their expectations were correct. I did.

The building itself was humongous, equipped with all of the necessities that came with being in a crazies home; classrooms, cafeteria, laundry room, even a recreation center with a pool and a gym. At some point we even came across an art room with floor to ceiling windows and vaulted ceilings overlooking the acres upon acres of land, barren oak trees in sight as well.

"We try our very best to allow our occupants to be able to continue to have independence and responsibilities while easily adapt to their new environment. This is why we do have the patients doing their own laundry, making them to do things for themselves, unless they are provoked. In that case, you will not be able to wear the clothes that you have brought, but a set pair of clothing that someone will deliver to you every day until you are no longer on suspension." With one eyebrow raised in question, she asks, "Are we clear Ms. Clarissa?"

"Yes mam'", I mumble, looking up with my eyes from where my heads is bowed.

"Good, I'm glad we have an understanding." She said, a smile gracing her lips. "Shall we bring your things in?"

**==============================Mortal Instruments===============================**

The process of bringing up all of my things was a grueling process, tiring me mentally and physically. Luke and my mother had given me everlasting bear hugs before they left, with my mom practically bawling and running back to give me one final hug, only a million times over. Luke had eventually had to drag her back to the car and buckle her in himself. "We'll be back soon enough, honey" my mother had said softly as she kissed my head, this being _before _she was crying hysterically.

Maryse had eventually given me the choice of either going straight to bed, wandering the institute, or going to the mess hall for a late dinner.

Of course, I had opted for the first one, telling her that I was exhausted from the day's event well that I had devoured a large breakfast and a late lunch. She accepted this with a once again, sharp nod of her head.

Lying in bed now, with my stomach growling at me, I felt proud of myself, yet I felt guilty towards Maryse.

Because I had lied.

I hadn't eaten a single thing all day.

**Hoped you like! I did this yesterday and today, giving you a Thanksgiving surprise. Also, it being my birthday, I decided I would be nice and FINALLY post something! Hope you LOVED it, actually. LOVE YOU GUYS SOOOOOO MUCH.**

**By the way…**

**REVIEW- REVIEW-REVIEW-REVIEW -REVIEW = the more review the faster I will put the next chapter up.**

**Updated: 11/27/14**


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